Kinks in the Links

Beyond Lucy

     One day, when classes for both professors began in mid-morning, they met at a local Star Bucks for java, pastries and wifi hookups. As usual, the coffee shop was filled with students and Silicon Valley techno geeks fully submerged in internet activities involving games, research and social media. After an interval of trivial chit chat, Wisenheirmer flipped open his laptop and jumped right into making his point; which turned into a full blown skull session between them.

     Wisenheirmer: “Have there been any additional discoveries relative to transitional life forms involving ancient humanoids recently?”

     Wishbone: “If you’re here to hassle me about Lucy, since that recent Dawn of the Planet of the Apes movie—forget it. I have better things to do.”

     Wisenheirmer: “It’s sorta down that same line, so I’ll get straight to the point. I was hoping you could clarify the sudden appearance of Cro-Magnon man at the door steps of Neanderthal man, or should I say the appearance of Cro-Magnon man at the cave entrance. Succinctly, is there a record of transitional life forms from one to the other? Or should I ask, What’s the link between them?”

     Wishbone: “I must admit professor, there seems to be no recorded facts of continuous incremental developments till this date. On the other hand, there are still finds from digs the world over. Something will eventually show up.”

pitdown man

     Wisenheirmer: “These drawings are supposedly factual representations of the evolutionary progression of ancient man to modern man. No doubt, you must agree with the consensus of the majority of the mainstream scientific community. And that is, most of these have been determined to be hoaxes.”

pitdown man 2

     Wisenheirmer continued: “These are some of the exposures: 1) The ages of some skulls have been changed to reflect that they were far older than they actually were; 2) Teeth and other bones found at some sites were stained for the same reasons; 3) Plaster of Paris models were used to build missing portions of skulls; 4)
The specimen of some jaws and craniums were faked as belonging to the same individual; 5) Animal bones were used as parts from some human like anatomical species; and 6) Some specimens were deliberately fashioned to resemble the missing link, and planted in excavated areas.

     Wishbone: “Back to your original question, some insist that anatomically modern humans—Cro-Magnon—and Neanderthals had co-existed, and perhaps even had children together. This now appears to be rubbish. The recent consensus by many paleoanthropologists is that a new kind of man appeared on the planet, seemingly from nowhere, and he was smart, artistic, and however he got here, he landed in a lot of places simultaneously. Some even believe Cro-Magnon were aliens from outer space. If this were so, then this would complicate things even more—so how did they evolve and how did they get here? It’s a classical case of circular logic. Therefore at this point in time, I must agree that all is still unresolved.”

     Wisenheirmer: “These so-called ‘ape-men,’ who are supposed to be the ancestors of the human race, have been named after the places where they were supposed to have been discovered. There is the Nebraska Man, the Java Man, the Peking Man, the Heidelberg Man, the Piltdown Man, etc. The question still remains: Why isn’t there a continuous record of incremental developments?”

     After all their discussions, Professor Wishbone had to concede that his hypothesis was week and lacked sufficient scientific facts from years of research. On the other hand, he still vowed to continue his research for the missing link. Before they concluded, Wisenheirmer displayed the following animation on his laptop.



The Faith of Atheist

Leisure Time on Facebook

     One afternoon during a gap between classes, some students—such as shown below—discovered a common statement found on several websites debunking evolution. The statement is a revision of scripture taken from Hebrews 11:1: Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (King James Version)

     In addition to their revision, they added some prefix statements in the format of a poem. It was another gag to refute the theories of Professor Wishbone. The following is the version of a facebook page they built.

facebook 3

     While being suddenly surprised, the students immediately shut their laptops, or changed their browser web screens. “Oh. We were . . .we were just viewing a facebook page of some guy holding up a sausage link”


     “So what’s so funny about that?”

     “He proclaimed it had been missing for months in his overcrowded freezer.”

     “You guys still makin’ wisecracks about Professor Wishbone, and missing links. Let’s go Jim. These creationist never give up.”

The Stanford Prank

Campus High Jinks

     Early the next morning, as faculty and students begun to enter the campus grounds, Professor Wisestien, strolled down the hallway towards his classroom. As previously mentioned, Wisestien is a research fellow who remains objective and maintains a neutral position. In order not to influence the opposing views being taught at the institute, his students are encouraged to develop and cultivate their own hypothesis.

     As he passed by Professor Wishbone’s room, he heard shouting and cursing. Being anxious to see what the commotion was about, he knocked and entered the classroom after Wishbone invited him in. “What are you so peed about?” he asked.

     Wishbone responds by saying, “I received a fax from Stanford. Here. Check this out.” (see image bellow)


     After a cursory scan of the fax, Wisestien said, “This looks like some sorta prank. I can’t believe Dr. Eisenstadt would send you something like this over a fax machine. She’s a world renown forensic paleontologist. Maybe it was planted here, or phoned in by some prankster.”

     “I’m inclined to agree with you professor. She said she would email the results. By the way, besides me, only the janitor and security have the key to this room.”

     Simultaneously, this prompted Wisestien to scan the room for clues of a student break-in. Immediately he noticed a window slightly ajar, then pointed to it as he nudged Wishbone.

     Then without hesitation Wishbone said, “I knew it! I bet this prank was perpetuated by some of Witty Alvin’s (Dr. Wisenheirmer) students. I’m gonna get Eisenstadt on the horn.”

     After a brief dialogue with her, Wishbone was told that analysis of the specimen was not complete, and he would be notified as soon as the origin was determined.

Christian Rap Session

A Christian Huddle

Typical Christian rapper

     Later that afternoon as professor Wisenheirmer entered the campus grounds and strolled down the central walkway, he observed a crowd of students clapping and rapping beneath a tree. As he approached them to see what was going down, he overheard the following rap: “Let me tell ya ’bout missing links; They’ll never be found whatever you thinks . . . rap, . rap, . rap . . . .”

     As they continued, the professor became elated; since the rapper and some of the students were enrolled in his classes. After a few stanzas he heard the lyrics, “Every day I hope and pray, that this be my lucky day.” This provoked him to interrupt and admonish them by saying, “You guys need to tweak this, because evolutionist are atheist and they don’t pray to anyone, let alone the Creator.


     Just then an adherent of evolution came from across campus and interrupted the session. Too the professor she displayed a photo (seen at right) of an alleged Sasquatch sighting taken by a girl friend in Montana.

     Then she popped the question. “Professor Wisenheirmer. There is much speculation that Sasquatch could be the missing link. Would you deem this to be a feasible conclusion?”

     After squinting at the vague figure in the photo the professor responded, “My dear, I can barely make out the figure in the brush. By the way, how long have you attended here?”

     “Just started this year. I’m a freshmen.”

     “Well that figures. I bet you’re taking one of the Hack’s . . . Hep, Hep, Em, . . . Sorry, I meant to say one of Professor Wishbone’s classes. True?”

     “I sure am. He’s verified many beliefs that I’ve held ever since I was a little girl. Most of what I’ve learned from my parents.”

     “Young lady,” he addressed her. “Let me say this: Sightings of Sasquatch, Big Foot, The Abdominal Snow Man, Yeti, Wookiees and Chewbacca, are all pure hokum. It’s all nonsense and speculation. For obvious reasons, they are all classified in the same category. That is, ‘missing.’ Now out of respect for Professor Wishbone, I suggest you continue with his curriculum. However, since this school was founded for the purpose of teaching you the skills to authenticate and invalidate scientific findings, I hope you learn to use them in an analytic way.”

     “What I hear you saying professor is, I should learn to think for myself.”

science methods

     “Exactly!” Dr. Wisenheirmer continued to stress as he pulled out and pointed to his note pad (shown at right). “Moreover, since you will become familiar with these established scientific methods, I will be looking forward to reviewing your graduation thesis paper. Only then will I be able to tell if you have comprehended enough to support either one of these opposing schools of thought. In other words, you must prove your convictions.”

     “I understand professor,” she responded. At which time she ripped up the photo and tossed it in the nearest trash can; then she sauntered off back across the campus lawn.

     In the meantime, after over hearing the dialogue, the Christian rappers began composing a rap about missing links and the alleged large hairy ape-like creatures. Of course their aim was to disprove it all as bunk.